So here you are. Starting off your life as a single Mom. You never planned to be here. Hell – who of us did? You have been through some massive changes already yet some of the biggest adjustments and challenges still lie ahead.
Here are some of my tips on creating an awesome single Mom life for yourself. Tried and tested by yours truly. Not once, but twice.
Accept and Move on
“It is what it is” – my favourite line. But the hardest when it came to coming to terms with the situation. Especially the second time around. No amount of questioning will change what has just happened – it will only hold you back from living your life. If you need to talk to someone to help you then do that. But whatever you do, make peace with it so that you can let go and move on.
Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks
Another tough one for me. Being labelled “divorced twice” was not exactly my goal in life. I worried about other people’s opinions and how they would judge me. But you have to keep reminding yourself that the people who really matter won’t judge you or see you in a different light. They know the road you have walked and your real, loyal friends and family – they have your back. Don’t pay attention to those who ignorantly stand back and pass judgement. I cannot begin to tell you the sense of liberation you feel when you finally stop giving a shit about what everyone else thinks.
Find Yourself
Get back to YOU. Pick up old hobbies and interests that you may have neglected through the years, for various reasons. Remember that every second weekend the children are going to be with their Dad and you are going to have to keep yourself amused. Which brings me to my next point.
Nurture your Friendships
Spend time with your friends. Arrange picnics or a day at the beach when you have your kids with you – a play date for the kids and for the Moms. Organise lunches and girly nights out when the kids are not home. Join a book club, or even start one yourself. Friends are so important – they lift you up when you are down or wallowing in self-doubt and pity, and they remind you that you are not crazy.
Make Time for You
While it’s a good idea to pick up hobbies and to spend time with friends, be sure to make time for yourself. Remember that when the children are with you it’s going to be more demanding on your time and patience. You are now the only parent in the house for them to turn to with all their needs and although any mother will attend to their children lovingly and happily, it can be tiring. It’s important to be in your own space a little – with no-one else to have to consider or please. Where the only person you have to worry about in that moment is yourself.
Watch the Finances
Believe me, there is no better way to lose sleep than to be in a bad place financially. It’s not all going to come together into one neat budget right away (and even when it does you are going to have tough months with unforeseen expenses), but if you can work on putting together a realistic budget and stick to it as best possible you are on the right track. I plan to post more articles on this and get some expert advice for us Moms, so look out for that.
Work Hard & Communicate Well with your Bosses
Find a job you enjoy (if you don’t already have one) and own it. It’s a space where you can achieve and be recognised, and also have that interaction outside of being Mom. It’s stimulating and empowering.
Work hard and consistently. Show your commitment but also communicate with your bosses – sometimes you need a little flexibility when there are sick kids or emergencies. And if you have bosses who recognise that and show empathy, and who know you well enough to know you don’t take advantage of that, hold onto that job!
Besides, you need the income more than ever now.
Plan Family Holidays
Quality time with your children is so important, so be sure to plan a holiday at least once a year. Whether it’s a stay with friends or family, or just a holiday alone with you and your kids, some time out of the usual routine is fabulous for getting back to basics and reconnecting with your little people. Make the most of these limited times and forget about everything else but the moments with your children. Its food for the soul.
Exercise
We all know that exercise releases endorphins (happy hormones). So get active. If you don’t already have a gym membership, sign up and get in the gym a few times a week. Not only will you feel great, you will also look great.
Be Happy
Not every day is going to be sunshine and rainbows, especially when you are winging it alone. You will have days where you feel emotionally heavy and tired. But remember to keep smiling – think happy and positive thoughts and stay focused on the good in your life. Also remember that your children are looking to you and if you stay strong and positive you will be teaching them by the example you are setting.
The world is not ending – in fact a new chapter in your life is beginning. Embrace it – enjoy the great moments, and learn from the bad ones. Don’t hold yourself back by clinging onto any “should have” or “could have” or “would have”. You’ll be surprised at how amazing and rewarding life as a single mom can be – you just have to allow yourself to see it.
This post was written by Cara Fernandes who blogs at One Pair of Hands and can also be found on Facebook here.
[…] isn’t selfish. It’s a necessary part of the healing process and can end up making you a better mother. Practice self-care when your kids are away, and you’ll be refreshed, de-stressed, and more […]