With parenting comes up and downs. Things go great, things go poor. There are really big challenges, along with a few easy wins here and there. The thing is, you try your hardest no matter what. Unfortunately, there are times that other circumstances come into play and make parenting that much more challenging.
Heather Von St. James was 36 years old when she gave birth to her daughter, Lily. As new parents, herself and her husband, Cam, were beyond excited. They had been married for years, and decided now was the perfect time! For three months they enjoyed the ups and downs of first time parenthood, learning as they went.
Something was very apparent to Heather, though. She felt awful, physically. “I was losing weight, to the tune of about five to seven pounds per week,” Heather explained. It only got worse as time went on. She continued, “About mid-October it felt like a truck parked on my chest and I couldn’t breathe.”
That’s when she went to the doctor and was diagnosed with cancer. Malignant pleural mesothelioma, to be exact. Mesothelioma is a cancer caused by exposure to asbestos, a natural fiber, common in many products used in building and construction. This type of cancer is very rare–about 3,000 people in the United States are diagnosed with mesothelioma each year. Thinking back, Heather realized that she had been wearing her father’s work jacket, covered in asbestos filled dust. Little did they know, those toxic fibers she breathed in would give her cancer.
Along with the diagnosis came a 15 month life expectancy. Heather knew that she had to beat that. She couldn’t let her daughter live life without a mother. She had to be there for her! With that in mind, her and Cam came up with a plan, and stuck to it. First, they would go to Boston, where Heather would have her lung removed. After a long and challenging recovery, she would fly back to South Dakota to stay with her parents–along with Lily–because at that point she could not care for Lily on her own. Cameron would go back to Minnesota, so that he could work and the bills would be paid.
While in South Dakota, Heather went through chemotherapy, followed by an intense 30-day radiation treatment. The process took a toll on her body, causing her to lose approximately 100lbs. It was also a particularly tough time, with Cam being hundreds of miles away. “In that three months while I was recovering Cameron was only able to see Lily for three days,” Heather recalled. “It’s what we had to do in order to get by.”
Parenting With Cancer
Heather explains that she is grateful that this happened at an age that Lily would be too young to remember. She does not remember the time spent away from her parents, she does not remember seeing her mom so sick, recovering from treatments, and she does not remember the challenges and pain that were experience. She does, however, still have the strong bond she built with her grandparents when they cared for her and that is something Heather is grateful for.
One would imagine that going through a cancer diagnosis, treatment and recovery would change the way you parent in so many different ways. “I parent completely different than I ever thought I would,” Heather explained. “The little things don’t get me!” Having experienced such a desperate health situation put things into perspective for Heather, and her husband. Rather than worrying about test scores and attendance records they worry about health and wellness.
Heather also explained that she likes to make sure Lily gets to have as many fun and exciting life experiences as possible. “I see parenting in the bigger picture as opposed to little blips along the way.” Having faced a possible death sentence, Heather has a different outlook on life that she incorporates into her parenting style.
Make a Difference
Mesothelioma, the type of cancer that Heather battled and continues to battle, is rare and aggressive, but it is also preventable! That is why awareness is so important. If we can all just educate ourselves and our loved ones about the dangers of asbestos exposure, and common places to find asbestos then hopefully, this awful cancer can be prevented. While over 60 countries have banned the toxic substance, there are still others that have yet to–and that is why we continue spreading awareness!
September 26th is Mesothelioma Awareness Day. If you’d like to make a difference on that day (or any day for that matter!), please share this information with your friends, family, loved ones, and social networks! You can use the hashtag #MesoAwarenessDay or join in on Twitter on the 26th for a Mesothelioma Awareness Day tweet chat using #EndMeso! Any awareness efforts made mean the world to Heather, and other families out there who have or are currently dealing with mesothelioma. Like Heather said, there is always hope!
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