This post was written by Frankie Wallace.
If you’re a parent, then you already know that raising a child is the most rewarding job you will ever have. You also know that it’s far and away the most difficult. After all, you are responsible for a life. You are cultivating a future adult. You are shaping a human being who will someday shape the world.
It’s a daunting task for anyone. However, when you are experiencing chronic pain, the challenges of raising a child well can seem, at times, insurmountable. It’s a parent’s instinct, after all, to put their child’s needs ahead of their own and to prioritise their child’s well-being above all other considerations. When you have chronic pain, though, putting yourself at the bottom of your priorities list is good neither for you nor for your child.
This article describes three key strategies for helping you get through the day when you’re parenting with chronic pain.
1. Prioritise Self-Care
It may seem counterintuitive for many parents, but prioritising self-care is one of the best things you can do to care for your child. After all, there is no greater gift a child could ever receive than a parent who is as healthy and happy as they can possibly be.
Thus, when you’re experiencing chronic pain, the first order of business is to understand what is causing or exacerbating your pain. Persistent pain can derive from myriad sources, ranging from a traumatic injury to periodontal disease to obesity to an underlying illness.
Once you have identified the cause(s) of your chronic pain, you and your healthcare team can begin working on a viable treatment strategy.
Similarly, you can begin instituting lifestyle changes that can help mitigate pain symptoms. Keeping well hydrated, for example, has been shown to cushion and lubricate joints, regulate body temperature, and reduce blood pressure, all of which can help you feel stronger, healthier, and more energetic throughout the day.
2. Plan Ahead
Pain can be unpredictable at times but, more often than not, there is a certain rhythm to it. This is why it is important to take note of your pain. Pay attention to when your pain is at its worst and what kinds of activities seem to accompany the exacerbation of your discomfort. Notice fine details such as the time of day, the weather conditions, and even what kinds of foods you have consumed that day.
Depending on the source of your pain, all of the above factors can contribute to a worsening of symptoms. For instance, if you have an inflammatory condition, such as rheumatoid arthritis, you may find that your pain worsens when humidity levels rise. Likewise, if you have a gastrointestinal disorder, your pain symptoms may increase when you consume certain foods.
Understanding when your pain is at its worst will help you plan your pain management strategy ahead of time. This might include, for instance, taking your medication early, before your symptoms ramp up. It’s also a good idea to enlist the help of a friend, family member, or babysitter to attend to your little ones when you are hurting.
This will give you the peace of mind of knowing your child is well cared for, freeing you to focus on taking care of yourself.
3. Communicate with Your Child
Children are often far more resilient, understanding, and aware than we give them credit for. That means that, if you’re dealing with chronic pain, the odds are that your child already knows it. Your little one likely already senses that something is amiss with Mommy or Daddy.
This is why it is essential that you clearly and consistently communicate with your child regarding your condition. Use age-appropriate language to describe what is occurring with Mommy or Daddy, to explain what this means in terms of your physical needs and abilities, and to address any questions or fears they may have.
For instance, you may explain to a young child that sometimes Mommy gets tired more quickly than other Mommies might, or that she might need to play on the sofa rather than on the floor. This can lead to important, ongoing conversations surrounding personal health and wellness behaviours.
The Takeaway
A parent’s work is never really done. When you’re parenting with chronic pain, however, the responsibilities of caregiving can seem incompatible with the demands of managing your pain. The good news, though, is that there are ways to prioritise self-care while still attending to the needs of your child. The key is to plan ahead, enlisting help when you need it and embracing lifestyle changes to help you mitigate your pain symptoms. It’s also imperative to understand what is causing or worsening your pain and to pursue treatment protocols and self-care practices to optimise your health. Finally, maintaining clear and consistent communication with your child will help ease your child’s anxiety, support your child’s own health and wellness behaviours, and enhance your relationship with your little one.
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