Today we meet a very special South African mom blogger from Knysna. Amelia blogs at Suddenly a Mom. I think I have a soft spot for her not only because she keeps emailing me and checking on how I am doing, but her husband also lost his spouse so she has some understanding of what I’ve been through as a widow. Her experiences have led her to write this important book.
Although my momming story is a little different from almost every other one I’ve heard, writing a book explaining adoption seemed like a natural area for me to explore. It wasn’t my plan, but it was right for me. This isn’t only because I’m a heart-mama and a writer (although both of those elements help tremendously); but also because I’ve had the unique opportunity to consult with some of the most committed social workers and play therapists available. And, from their feedback and hours of really emotional conversations with plenty of tears (from both of us), the Finding My Forever Family book was born.
A Bit of Background Info
I’m mom to a 10-year old girl that lost her biological mother five years ago. I married her dad and, for the last four years, I’ve been the only mom she knows. Because of this, I feel like our family understands that different families have different dynamics, contexts and even disasters that have been part of creating a new normal. I understand tough questions and even tougher answers that fall on the ears of a little person that is trying to make sense of a crazy world.
In 2018, I was approached by an adoptive mother. Her social worker had told her that the best way to let her child know that he’s adopted is to read him a story from very small that explains adoption to him and makes it clear that he has been adopted. I wrote a short story for her; incorporating her brief, style and preferences. But, right from the beginning, I knew that I’d take the concept of a book about adoption, write one in my own style and with my own storyline, and make this available to other adoptive families. It sparked in me an awareness of a need I didn’t know existed, and I’ve dived into a world that is so complex and emotional. For the next few months, I contacted and interviewed a number of social workers, play therapists, and adopted children around South Africa for more insights.
There were a few “issues” that stood out like sore thumbs and broken hearts. The biggest of these was that the trauma lay in the child’s remembering the day that they were told that they were adopted. Even when this was done in a kind and loving way, that day had so much heartache and so many complicated feelings attached to it that it remained their worst.
This book has been designed to help your heart-baby understand the concept of adoption and to come to the realisation that they are adopted, naturally and gradually. More than this, the story helps them to learn this in the most fun, loving and secure ways. This helps adoptive parents to overcome the elephant in the room – how and when do I tell my child that they’re adopted?
About Finding My Forever Family – The Book
This book has been designed and written to help your child to understand the beautiful concept of adoption and to come to a natural conclusion that they are adopted. By reading this story to them from very young, their adoption is a natural part of their life. They won’t have to have it revealed to them on one specific day.
In the book, the character (named after your child) goes on an adventure to find their Forever Family. They meet some fun animal families along the way and learn about the many differences that make each person and family special. Eventually, they find you; their perfect Forever Family. From tiny, they will know that they’re the character on the adventure.
Features of the Book
Each Finding My Forever Family book is completely unique because it has been personalised for you and your child. The main character has your heart-baby’s name and is described to resemble him or her, physically and in their characteristics. The illustrations (done by the very talented Zoë Venter) will also be changed to have the skin tone and hair colour of your little one.
The most important messages that are subtly integrated into the storyline are:
- Your child’s Forever Family is and always will be their safe space.
- They are more wanted, loved and cherished than anything in the world.
- There is nothing wrong with being a little different. Every family is different.
- The biological mother played a practical role in giving him or her a safe place in which to grow.
- It doesn’t matter if you look a little different or are a different race from the rest of your family.
- Your child has brought you so much happiness and fulfilment in just ‘being’.
How to Order Finding My Forever Family
Email me on amelia@voxate.co.za for your own personalised copy of the book.
Every adopted child has a different background and some details aren’t always available. But, if you have the following information and can include it in your email, it will help me to create their beautiful story:
1. Child’s name
2. Their birth weight
3. Birth length
4. Child’s birthplace (the hospital and town, if possible).
5. The hair colour by which the child is best known (this can be the colour it was when you first saw them, or the colour it is now – whatever they’re best known for).
6. The first features that you noticed about them – did they have long eyelashes, chubby cheeks, a birthmark?
7. Their character when you first met them – were they chilled, curious, playful, serious?
8. Details about you, as the parent(s). Are you a single parent, a mom and a dad, two moms, two dads? Does dad have warm eyes? Does mom have dimples? Try to include very basic features that they will recognise as coming from you; if possible (this isn’t essential).
9. Your South African delivery address.
If you have any family photos (perhaps with you and any siblings), ultrasounds or newborn photographs that you’d like included, please attach those to the email.
The book and delivery costs R450 (until June 2019).
For more information, visit the website, or follow meon Instagram or Facebook.
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