Guest Post: Meet Yvette: Mom Blogging about Bipolar Disorder

Meet South African Mom Blogger Yvette. This is her story…

I’m 29 and a mother to three growing boys who can’t seem to get enough of my attention. I left the corporate world a year ago to join the world of stay-at-home mothers, also known as ‘supermoms’, I’ve been told.

It’s been really tough adjusting to my new mommy world, especially since I have such a big gap between my first and second born. I forgot what it was like to be late for every function because it takes an extra hour to pack the kids in. I forgot the drama that unfolds when we discover there’s no dummy packed in for the baby. There are also a lot of things they don’t tell you about stepping into the role of full-time mother like, you still won’t have time to do everything and your toenails will still be painted in a hurry. More importantly, I never knew that I that had to rethink what value I bring to a household now that I don’t bring in an income. It’s intangible, like goodwill, but not spoken about.  After one year, I honestly still haven’t wrapped my head around the expectations and sacrifices I made of being a stay-at-home mother.

One thing is for sure, I know I look like a crazy mom in shops when I have all three kids in one trolley. They scream and demand things (probably to the untrained eye). But we as moms know they’re all just asking for things on a higher decibel than is comfortable hearing.

But I have also comes to terms with the fact that I am crazy.

I am also mentally ill. I live with Bipolar Disorder Type 1. On bad days, it lives right there with myself and the family. I was diagnosed in 2012 just before I fell pregnant with baby number two. It was tough. My (now) husband and I wanted to see the pregnancy through without medication (Lithium) but my mood was suffering terribly towards the end of the pregnancy. It was difficult to speak to people so working became a nightmare. I enjoyed my work, but seeing people and pretending to be okay drained all my energy.  I also found it hard to drive to work as my anxiety levels were through the roof. My husband had to call me and guide me through the whole drive from Muizenburg to Cape Town (CBD) every single day. When I arrived at work I had to sit in the car for five to ten minutes just to calm myself before heading into the office. If there were accidents on the road or silly drivers, I would be lost in tears. Eventually he drove me to work and I would take the bus back to his office in Hout Bay. My job required a lot of traveling so I couldn’t afford for my employers to know. Driving itself makes me anxious, so how could I work if I couldn’t drive? At least now I try to drive slower and leave a lot earlier as not to stress myself.

If I had one wish, I would wish I was diagnosed a lot sooner, because then maybe my life would have flowed better. Maybe I would have lost less relationships and less time. I lost a lot of time. Many of the things I did while I was manic I only have bitter flashbacks of.  Maybe I would have had a degree. Maybe I could have achieved more. Maybe I could have lived a life I could remember. I say this because most of my life is a blur. If I had the right support and was educated about the illness I could have climbed mountains. Instead, my life is a daily mountain to climb.

I try my best to be an advocate for good mental health in South Africa but that’s helluva job too. It’s all hush-hush. In March this year I was hospitalized for a Depression episode. I’m not afraid to talk about. Hell, I’m not even afraid to discuss it in public.

But what’s uncomfortable is that we don’t take mental illness seriously.

It’s only sexy when celebrities have it.

But I’ll you something, if Sannie next door had it, you wouldn’t even know. You’d just say she was moody and she’d be suffering in silence, brewing with hurt inside. I’m not a preacher, but I tell it like it is. I’m a wife and a mother and more than my illness. I have suffered quietly long enough. It’s about  time we spoke about motherhood and mental illnesses openly- and face the music with courage.

Yvette Hess is a mother to three boys and a wife to one very loving and supportive husband. She writes about living with Bipolar Disorder and hopes to help many others living with mental illness, especially in South Africa.

She runs two blogs: her own (www.yvecorner.wordpress.com) and a project jointly run with Blahpolar Diaries (www.ourlivedexperience.wordpress.com). You can also find her on Facebook and Twitter.