{Honest Women} We are only having one child

When is the next one coming?

My first (and only) pregnancy was one of the highlights of my life! The excitement of a new life, the miracle of that life growing inside me and of course the attention from friends and even strangers. Ours was a planned little baby, out of a happy marriage and would be the first grandchild on my husband’s side of the family. A little boy would enter this world and he would be given his grandfather’s names, which is of course a big deal in the Afrikaans culture (as in many other).

For us having a baby was just the next step in our lives. My husband and I were varsity sweethearts. We started dating in our first year, dated almost seven years before we got engaged, got married at seven and a half years and then moved to a small town to establish a relaxed, countryside lifestyle. One that would eventually be well-suited for our children. And so after two years we took the plunge. We only planned for a month before we fell pregnant and it was the most amazing feeling.

Much like the pregnancy, the birth also came a little faster than we’d anticipated. Our little boy decided to make his appearance early – the day before I was to leave for Cape Town for my last four weeks of pregnancy. My birthing experience therefore started in a little Karoo town, and took me through a journey of over four hours in a car to my hospital in Cape Town. But this was nothing compared to the adventure that awaited us after. I guess people do warn you – some politely, others offensively – so you ignore all the inputs and just decide not to lend out your ears to others. Besides, you have all the latest books and Google! More wrong we could not have been. No book or keyword search could ever prepare you for the lack of sleep, the helplessness, the hope and extreme joy and contentment that this little life would bring about.

Often we have moments where we would picture another baby… But then the thought of adding to the chaos, the lack of time, the lack of sleep and the finances just seems crazy. In the same breath we look at our son’s tendencies to be a little more selfish than those with siblings. More than that there is the feeling that we are robbing him of something special (as we both have siblings).

So currently we find ourselves at the pinnacle of this fork in the road – the point where our son is turning four and everyone is asking, ‘When is the next one coming?’ Such a simple question and asked so politely, but also intrusive. Concerned that they can see the doubt, the fear, the uncertainty…Are we ready? Do we want more? Perhaps we are, maybe we will never be. We find ourselves answering, “We are not opposed to having more, but for now we are raising our one and only son.” And I think we both have decided to be content with this decision…at least for now.

Jolene’s life paths took her in various directions, but it always seems to lead back to some form of writing. Currently she is expressing her passion for travel via Computicket Travel’s blog.

She also has her own website that markets the Karoo town of Sutherland and you can read some of her personal life experiences while she lived there on www.discoverustherland.co.za