Guest Post: When Is The Right Time for Sex Education?

If there is one thing that every parent dreads it is that untimely phone call from school. I was having a conversation with an ex-colleague of mine; she was telling me how she was called to her son’s new school because her son had drawn a dragon while in math class.

When I received that email from my son’s school a month ago, summoning me to school as a matter of urgency, I had hoped that he had drawn a dragon while in math class, then I could respond in the exact same way my ex-colleague had when her son had done the same.  To my uttermost shock, my son had not drawn a picture nor did he fight, but instead he had typed the “s word” three times on Google search.

“He cannot possible have done, I mean he’s only 8.”

“I am afraid he did, ma’am. However, when we asked why, he didn’t seem to know what the word meant. He was not the only one, we have thought it proper to call all the parents of the children involved.”

It came sooner than predicted; I seriously believed I had three or four more years. I was dazed; I did not know how to respond. On our way home, I could sense the anticipation from the way he was seating, from how quiet he was, he expected me to shout at him, ground him, something, anything. I did none of it. I thought to myself – here is an opportunity to teach, have a little Sex Ed, and not blow this up.

“But he’s only eight for goodness sake. I don’t think I even knew how to write the word sex when I was eight.” I silenced my mind and drove to Pick n Pay in total silence trying hard not to show him how much I was freaking out.

 

I picked up bananas. “Now,” I thought, “how I would purchase condoms in here without him noticing or asking what they were?” I decided against the bananas and condoms, it somehow seemed extreme, instead, I texted one of the mothers whose kid had also typed the S word on his laptop.

“Hey, howzit? These kids though…”

“I know right, you know what? They are boys, don’t panic, boys are naturally curious.”

“At this age though?”

“Yeah, don’t take it to heart he’s just a boy.”

I panicked even more; C’s mom was not helping.

Sure, I am a millennial mom, there is Google; I am almost certain I will find answers. The first thing I am doing when we get home is get on the internet, and search ‘How to have Sex Ed with an eight year old boy without freaking out or embarrassing yourself’.

Should I maybe buy the book ‘Hot Issues, Cool Choices’ and let him read it and if he has questions let him ask and happily answer? He might miss some of the key things.

Call a cousin of mine and let him have the convo with him instead?

 

I soon realised I was out of options if I wanted to be this “easy to talk to” mom, this was an opportunity: I better brave up and start talking.

 

I never had a sex talk with any of my parents, the one I had with my mom after I started having my periods was two minutes tops, So this can’t be hard, there are no red dots here: it certainly won’t be messy.

 

I stopped at Mc Donald’s and chose the most removed table ever.

 

Me: So son, about what happened at school today, is there something you want to know about the word sex?

Son: No.

Me: Do you know what it means?

Son: No.

Me: Would you like to know what it means?

Son: Maybe.

Me: Okay, so before today have you heard the word before?

Son: Yes, on TV, you know mama that movie you like so much – Pitch Perfect, there’s a part where they choose songs about sex?

Me: Right, okay.

Of course I did not go deep into the technicalities. I answered what he was asking and left it there. One might say ‘you never had a sex-ed but you turned out okay’. That might be true however, I do wish that I had a more open relationship with my mom instead of reading most of the things from the likes of You and Drum magazine, with no one to ask when uncertain.

While I acknowledge that, the S word thing was the beginning of many to come; I certainly want to be the first go-to-person concerning anything and everything. I want my son to know the value associated with the S word and the responsibility thereof, I want him to know the role sexuality plays within life. I want to teach him the appropriate behaviour, and how to treat the opposite sex.

I know I will not always get it right, but I would rather fail trying than entomb my head in the sand while praying and hoping that he figure everything out by himself.

This post was written by Andiswa Machanyana. She blogs at Torn Jeans and Corporate Suits.  Follow her on Twitter.