There are some real interesting posts this month from South African mom bloggers.
A real mix of emotions on pregnancy – from humour, to grumpiness, to bitterness and information. Lots of useful birth info this month: from how to pack your hospital bag to whether you’re a good candidate for a VBAC. Plus two birth stories.
I loved Cindy’s description of parenting as having “no off button”. Also worth reading is a dad blogger’s analysis of the different strains of having five kids.
You’ll need the tissues when you read Stacey’s post about dealing with separation from her special needs child, Melinda’s touching story of her adopted child’s explanation of why it took so long for her to come along, and Celeste’s tale of the death of her furry companion.
Many other topics are tacked: divorce, having more (or no) kids, friendship, Nelson Mandela’s 67 minutes, Eid and an inspiring faith analogy.
There have also been a few noteworthy blogging posts, and I’ve included them at the end.
Happy reading!
(Please note that I’m basing this mostly on posts listed under each date on the Facebook page)
Pregnancy
Shaney has a very funny post: You Know You’re Pregnant When…
Jonnelle has some conclusions after seven months of pregnancy: The Pregnant Grump: Seven Months Later.
It’s a bit of a weird thing to love. Sure there are beautiful moments and it’s truly amazing to feel your baby growing and moving inside of you but on the whole, it’s a pretty traumatic time for your body. Some days I’m surprised that the baby doesn’t just fall straight out because the pressure is so intense. I can’t sleep, I’ve grown to astronomical sizes and no matter how many times my husband tells me that I’m not fat, I’m pregnant, I still feel like a large hippo rolling around the house.
Sharon grieves her miscarriages in Forgive me if I seem bitter.
I’d love to say I know. I’d love to tell you I know how it feels. I’d love to share my own pregnancy related horror stories of tiredness, back pain, needing to pee, all day nausea, hemorrhoids and varicose veins. But I have no story to share. None you all want to hear anyway. None that anyone wants to be able to relate to.
A different kind of pregnancy: an informative post from Sharna: Surrogacy in South Africa, the do’s and don’ts. I found it quite a shocker that the surrogate can still claim the baby back within 60 days if the ovum donated to the process was hers.
Birth
A great post for recovery after childbirth from Elsabe: Pilates for Recovering after Childbirth.
Sharna has a post if you are considering a VBAC: Are you a good candidate for a VBAC?
Hayley writes her birth story here: Their birth story.
Carla has a useful post: What you need to pack in your hospital bag when giving birth in a government hospital. I found this useful, even for private hospitals, because they won’t provide everything. I like the fact that she mentioned the breast pump and what you need to sterilise it – something I would remember next time. She also tells My Birth Story Almost 12 Months Later
Parenting
Laverne has a no holds barred post: Hey New Mother Get Ready to Suck at Motherhood!.
Suddenly you can’t appreciate the cuteness. Your adrenal glands are so burnt out from all the stress. You are literally shell shocked. You start to reminisce about your childless days like some long lost lover. The one that got away.
Another great post for new moms: The Google Research Experts ie Other Parents
You are not them and they are not you. Do what’s best for YOU at the time. Trust yourself. Trust your motherly instincts, that too is a very real thing.
Love this post from Cindy Being a Mom Was All I Ever Wanted to Be, But Having KIds Shocked Me. She wanted so badly to be a mom, ever since she was 17 but the overwhelm of being the one responsible for that life was jolting to her.
There is no off button. There is no getting off this ride once you’re on it.
You are it.
Which is why you need to read Cassan’s post: There’s just NO time, because in order to cope with that kind of pressure you need to make time for yourself.
As women and moms we are constantly giving out and giving of ourselves. We need to remember to recharge and do things that we love, so that we aren’t trying to do it all out of an empty place.
Mandy is having an awesome series on her blog: Supermommies. These are all stories of moms who had unique challenges to overcome. An example is Cassey’s story.
She was diagnosed with PCOS and defied the odds by falling pregnant. She was diagnosed with a dying placenta and warned she could lose her baby. She had her hopes of natural birth shattered with an emergency c-section; which left her alone without her baby or her husband when he was rushed to NICU instead of the quiet bonding time she had imagined. Her brand new baby got a preventable potentially fatal bacteria. She had to watch that baby undergo two surgeries before he was 6 months old. She is a full time mom all day and a working mom after hours and she will be adding Post Grad student in the next few months.
Such an encouraging post from Sharon: For all the moms doubting themselves: You’re a Good Mom!
As long as you are looking out for your children and always have their best interests at heart… you are a good mom! No matter how you got to be a mom, no matter how your choices may differ from others, you are a good mom!
From a dad blogger this time… Taboo Topics: Parents of young children – Meet Terran and Julie and their 5! Terran writes about the strain kids put on your life in all aspects. This is an excellent post, I really encourage you to read it.
My experience confirms that parenting infants and toddlers puts you under a kind of constant pressure that lttle else in life comes close to matching. To be fair, Julie and my situation of having five kids aged six and under only compounds this reality, but treat me as a magnification of what is still there for parents of fewer kids. (Besides, I know, I once had fewer kids.)
However, in this post I thought I would get real about the (dark) side we don’t talk about. It’s no good running a marathon, and you’re doing uphill and you’re trying to tell yourself this is wonderful. Facing the fact of the agonizing incline is necessary if you’re going to make it.
He ends off with:
Do I have any perspective to share for the fellow-traumatized? Other than ‘Keep calm and parent on’? For starters, one thing I can say: You Are Not The Only One. Parenting is hard for almost all of us. The other thing I can say is that You Are Not Alone. A small verse hidden in the massive book of Isaiah says ‘God carries us close to his heart, especially those who have young’. It has helped Julie and me when we’ve been at our lowest. It reminds us there’s a Parent in heaven who’s there for you as you parent another. Our vulnerability, as we rear the most vulnerable, catches the loving attention of One Above. We might feel alone, but in reality there’s a Heartbeat as close to you as your child is to yours.
Claire has some thought provoking words on Suicide: Are you adding to the noise?
Don’t miss the signs because you were too busy updating your social media status.
And in all this mess and fuss and confusion, our children are lonely.
Talk to them.
Christine has a post The Reality of Having Two Toddlers
I liked:
-The “hand on the window” scene from Titanic becomes a reality, except its tiny little sticky hand marks smeared on every and all surfaces of your house.
-You know the words of the movie Cars off by heart, yet you’ve barely ever sat down and watched it.
After that I think we need to read Belinda’s How to get your life back after kids
As mothers we carry a lot of guilt around with us, and we almost need someone else to give us permission to get our lives back, as we feel too guilty to take steps on our own.
Cool ideas from Nicole on 10 Outdoor Activities for Infants.
Getting out and about is important for mom after having a baby, fresh air and gentle activity not only boosts your mood but also contributes to faster healing.
Craft
How’s this super DIY calm down jar for distracting tantrum kids?
Special Needs
Stacey writes how different it feels to have her special needs child, Travis, in full time care.
I still have moments of sadness and longing I think its instinctual for most woman to feel the need to carry and have a child I think it is also a lot of what makes us feel like we are a woman even though the ability to procreate doesn’t make you a woman if you understand what I am saying…
I apologise for the long post but I hope this helped give a little more insight to woman who are facing this decision please not I am not saying do not have these procedures done or that what happened to me will happen to you as I was told that I was a less common case however I know that there are many woman out there with similar histories or in need of some information and assurance before making their decision, and I encourage everyone who is struggling or is unsure to wait until you are sure, our bodies are amazing complicated things and every bit of information helps lead to an informed positive choice.
Last week I encountered a mom who is a couple of months into her divorce journey. She looks sad, stressed and anxious all the time, her kids look the same. When she mentioned her ex-husband it was like she was spitting venom. I know the feeling. It can become all consuming. Watching her and her little family bought back a lot of memories of that time for me, not all of them happy ones. I had to move home which placed incredible strain on my parents and our relationship. I spent three years fighting with my ex-husband over everything! It was a draining time and it felt like it would never end!
It did though, our divorce was eventually granted, the fighting stopped and I was able to move forward.
Friendship
I love Namu’s tribute to her friend Fazila:
Fazila possesses an energy that is both inviting and contagious. Her beauty lies in her vibrant personality and her quirky sense of humour. It’s lies in the fact that she hasn’t allowed her circumstances to define her, but rather redefined her circumstances. It’s her strength and determination and as she so aptly puts it, her “ability to fly kick problems into the air”. She isn’t afraid to deviate from the status quo and in her own unique way, she is making her mark, finding her way, and chasing her dreams!
When she got sick, eating became difficult. So did cleaning herself. So my Mom’s hands became dirty and they made her look unloved. So a number of times, in those last days, I used to give her a mini home manicure. I’d get a bowl of warm water and some body scrub and exfoliate those hands and wash off the dirt. I’d wipe them gently with a warm towel and smother them in beautiful smelling hand cream. I’d file her nails and buff them and do my best to make her feel special and she’d smile at me and then fall asleep. I loved those hands and that woman and I guess I was trying to show her that.
It can be a shock to age. To see your body change and wrinkle and become imperfect, as life throws things at you. Or we can relish it in a way and watch as we become more fully who we are, who our mothers were and our grandmothers too. So while I love looking groomed and feeling pampered, I’m not going to beat myself up if I don’t have permanently beautiful hands, brightly painted and Sandton perfect. My imperfections reflect more fully who I am. And the older I get, the prouder they make me.
Panic
Maz has a revealing post about What it feels like to have a panic attack and how to manage it.
I have a sense of unreality, of watching myself from a distance, and a growing fear of being unable to control myself. As things escalate, I desperately look for someplace — any place — to escape to. At its peak, I feel like I am going to faint and if things continue, I will surely die. I want to scream, but I can’t – I can’t breathe.
Parker was there when Kennith told me we were getting a divorce. Parker was there when Kennith told me he was moving out. Parker was there when I realised that Kennith had moved on and was dating. Like not casual dating but boyfriend and girlfriend dating.
Parker was there to cuddle against me, listen to me sob and rest his big head against my chest. He didn’t ask me to explain, he was happy to lie against me and when I looked like I was sobbing a bit harder, then he just moved in closer – usually until he was lying on my head or my chest.
In his eyes he knew my pain, and he knew that all I needed was a cuddle, a love and a little bit of snot from his big nose to drip on my hand. He just knew.
Photography
Stunning pictures in this post from Jeanette Verster: A Walk in the Knysna Forest and Millwood Mine.
Nelson Mandela’s 67 Minutes
Cassie is proud of her daughter’s giving nature in Our 67 minutes for Mandela Day.
Last night she picks up the PJs and tell me “Mommy they too small neh? They must go to the other children Mommy. The other children that don’t have Pajamas. You must take them to the other children and I will come with you”. My heart beamed with pride (after I got over the neh cringe factor that has crept into our vocabulary). She got it. In her mind, she understands that there are children that don’t have things, she understands that she has things and she can help the other children.
Melanie writes: A Challenge to go beyond 67 minutes.
Here’s my challenge: don’t limit your acts of service to one hour on a specific day of the year. Look for ways to show God’s love to others every day.
Eid
Zayaan writes about her Eid-ul-Fitr. I’d say they had a lot of delicious food (check out all the pictures of the deserts and even her son had his full:
When all the guys got back the first thing The Munchkin did was attack the biscuits and sweets. He hadn’t even had breakfast! And it just pretty much went downhill from there. He grabbed at all the sweets on everyone’s low coffee tables. Just hands clutching chocolate covered toffees that I had to pry out of his vice grip. How is an almost 2-year-old so damn strong?!
Firdaus says in Eid and other Random Bits
..the day is nicknamed ‘Eat’ by some as it consists largely of eating copious amounts of food.. We are still eating leftovers and I suspect that I will have to be rolled out of the house soon.
Christian analogy
Leigh has an in depth analysis of two parables: the hidden treasure and the pearl of great price. The Pearl of Great Price: What is it, or rather who is it?
It’s as if God takes suffering and coats it in layers and layers of glory until it is wholly unrecognisable and transformed into something utterly beautiful, something that mirrors his glory. I love how this is a picture of how God can take the worst situation and really truly work it for the good of those who loved him. He doesn’t just coat the grain of sand in one layer of himself, just to hide it, but keeps adding glory upon glory, layer upon layer, until the glory outweighs the suffering by many orders of magnitude – and it becomes a thing of great value and dignity.
Humour
What are little boys made of? asks Mrs Momsense. A very funny list of the things she’d never thought she’d say..
Anastasiya has a funny post: Respect my PMS
You don’t understand the irritation we have with this thing that’s called menstruation. You don’t understand how much we hate it. {Off record: there are those moments when you do really want it, then you know you’re not going to be carried around a little bean that will grow into a human over a course of nine months}. So yes, we hate it. Periods are not a walk through wonderland, where pads grow on trees & tampons are received through picking a watermelon apart. We feel so much pain, we feel uncomfortable, awkward & even murderous. Murderous because people tend to piss off a little more than usual & we could easily react by throwing you with a book, or by accident cause you to trip while you’re standing at the top of a cliff. {Remember, no witnesses.}
It may not always go according to plan but you know what? It’s OK. I believe we’re all exactly where we’re meant to be. Every cloud does have a silver lining and we may not always know the Reason behind “Everything happens for a reason” right away but you know what? As cliche as it sounds, and I do feel bad for even typing it because I don’t always want to accept or understand it, EVERYTHING DOES HAPPEN FOR A REASON.
Here is to altered lists and not giving up on our dreams, hopes and expectations. Keep heart and remember that there is a lesson in every circumstance. Even if that circumstance was not on your list.
Jonelle has some printables on setting goals and finding your passion.
Lovely post from Belinda on Being Kind to Yourself.
So when that person is horrible to you on Twitter or a colleague insults you during a meeting, your brain responds in a certain way and produces certain chemicals. And when you beat yourself up about something, from not being a good enough parent to not fitting into your jeans to not allowing yourself a 30 minute rest, it is like SOMEONE ELSE is saying you’re fat or incompetent or lazy. Your brain produces exactly the same chemicals and they are just as damaging to your body and mind as if you were being insulted by another person. Crazy hey?
Great practical tips on de-cluttering from Jonelle: How to declutter your life in a few easy steps.
An inspirational post from Sharon on how some events dragged her down and how she pulled herself up into her running shoes and ran off her frustrations: Running… A Fresh Perspective.
I am slow, but that’s ok. I’m doing it! And I run because I love it. I run for pleasure. Not to be the fastest. But not all runners have the same priority as me. For some, it is about being better, being faster each time. And that’s ok. We all have different goals, different agendas. And I need to make peace with that. I need to embrace my goals, I need to embrace my little snail paced shuffle/run/walk and just bloody well enjoy it because it is still a privilege to be able to run. Because a year and a half ago, I was 118kg’s of obesity and I couldn’t even walk down the road without getting out of breath, never mind contemplate running my 4th half marathon.
So I’ll always finish last… or at the back of the pack… so what? The important thing is that I’m doing it!
An inspirational story about a tattoo from Chevonne: Let’s Pause and Listen.
“A Semicolon is used when an author could’ve chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to. The author is you and the sentence is your life.”
Blogging
Nikki has some tips on How To Create and Populate an Editorial Calendar for Your Blog
Moipone has some questions about using data: what are the cheapest prepaid plans? If you can help her, head over to Struggles of a Blogger.
I’m sure by now you’ve all read Belinda’s post Blogging Schmogging. She raises some important questions that has generated many conversations. If you’re ever questioned why you blog, then you can identify with this post.
Sharna writes about her reasons behind starting a blog and her courageous step to become more public with a Facebook page: I closed my eyes and made the jump.
We often remember and hold onto memories of the big things that happen during our lives and those of our children, but it’s a little bit harder to hold on to the every day little things. I feel that their childhood is so short in the bigger scheme of things and that I don’t want to forget any of the little things that happen or the adorable things that they say. Being sentimental old me, I wanted to have something to look back on and read about. I also wanted them to have something to see when they’re older…
Link up your fave posts for the month and comment on at least three others.
thanks! glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
Such an amazing list of posts to read.Thank you for putting it all together.