It’s been an eventful month for South African Mom Bloggers. We’ve had two new babies (Jonelle and Sian – congratulations!) and two moms battling with weaning (Mandy and Chastin). There have been some inspirational parenting posts. There have been comments on the student uprisings.
Most of these posts are drawn from the Facebook page. I do feel like I’ve missed a lot this month, however, so please use the linkup below and link up your (or other’s) best posts for this past month.
Birth
Jonelle has had her son! And it has been a wild ride. The day I met my son… not your regular birth story.
Also good news for Sian: We got the call!
Parenting
Cassan has a touching story of how she handled her colicy baby: My Colic Story
Malakai was crying one day for about 5 hours, and I was tired of rocking him, tired of his screaming . I sat down on a chair whilst holding him. I broke down. I started praying to God “God out of all the things I asked not to happen , you let it happen” . I cried from the pit of my being, I felt disappointed in myself, in my situation, I felt weak, I felt like a failure! I let it all out!
In that moment I felt this sense of calm, comfort and peace like no other!
I clearly heard God whisper into my heart “ It shouldn’t always be easy Cas, especially when you-re raising a legend!” . I started crying even more.
I realized that I let the anxiety, the fear, the disappoint speak so loudly into my heart that it was crippling me emotionally and effecting my confidence as a mother.
Soon after that Malakai fell asleep on my chest. I felt my inner spirit rising up and saying “Bring it! Whatever it takes to raise a legend, I will do it!”
A few days later Malakai’s Colic cleared!
I let it go, faced it head on and then it ran!
Margot has such an interesting post on School Sports Day about how her son actually did not want help to finish the race.
I think Richie has figured that he is going to come stone last but already, at barely 5, he doesn’t care. He has also figured that it feels better for him, inside, to be allowed to do his thing, his way, without the rules being changed for him. He doesn’t want our tears or our too-loud applause – something his teacher has always understood instinctively about him. He is not a tragedy, he just can’t really run very well.
That’s why everybody emoting all over the place over that one picture of Oscar P as a kid being carried home from the swimming pool by his friends is so annoying. It’s not a testimony to the kindness of children, it’s not a message to adults worldwide, (plus the dude turned into a killer lest we forget), it’s just a couple kids dragging their friend home the most efficient way, because fokkol legs. The closer we are to the situation, the less we see only, overwhelmingly the disability and the more the elephant shrinks. I wish Richie may more elephant-shrinking years of school sports days. Pretty soon (if he isn’t already) he’ll just be that wonky kid, alongside the cross-dresser and the kid with autism and the kids who don’t match their parents’ skin colour, and so on, and so on. And that gives me calm.
A good one on appreciating the moments with our offspring comes from Nicky in Finding Sunlight.
Often when I reflect on parenting skills and finding more time to enjoy my son I find myself thinking about something my Dad’s mom told me before she died. She had three sons, Nookie (my dad), Peter and Marc. Tragically one Easter weekend Nookie and Peter were killed in a terrible accident and our family lived with the scars of this for the rest of their lives but no one as much as my gran and she often recalled their antics as kids but the one thing that she always said was that she wished she had done more, in broad terms I think she wished she had slowed down and spent more time with her boys as they got older and moved into adulthood and I think that that is a feeling that comes with hind sight and the trauma of losing your children, not just your child but two in one full swoop. I cant begin to image the pain of that loss, despair and emptiness that comes with losing your child, the thought along horrifies me and having grown up with that life is fragile in the back of my mind I really want to try harder to live every moment with my son and introduce him to the world but also to know my child and for him to know he is deeply loved.
Tertia shares her proud moments of her son Max’s achievements in All the feels.
That feeling there – that feeling of being so excited/hopeful/joyful/elated that it is almost scary, that is the feeling I get when I see Max do things that might seem completely normal / insignificant to outsiders. ..
Life is hard, we know that. It is hard for everyone, no one is exempt from the knocks, bruises and challenges of life. But at the end of the day, as a parent what you want is for your child to hopefully navigate life with as few bumps, bruises and challenges as possible. Life is hard enough with having the deck stacked against you, no matter how good or bad that deck is.
Bring out the tissues and read Loving a child after losing the first
I guess time will heal all things, I just need to be patient and kinder to myself – motherhood is tough enough without putting added pressure on myself. But I do wish that just for a moment I could go back to my 19 year old self and shake her, tell her not to be so afraid, tell her that her daughter would change her life and to just go with it, things turn out ok in the end. Most of all, I would tell her to sing the silly songs, play the funny games, dance the ridiculous dances – if it makes a child smile or giggle or coo, how could it ever possibly be lame?
Parenting Inspirational
Kim has such a feel good post about how we shouldn’t judge another mom: Judging the Springbok Mommy. Kim also had some super photo quotes which I’ve inserted in this blog post.
Who are we to judge that person hastily ending a call while driving or texting at the red robot (don’t get me wrong I’m all for phone free cars) but hey don’t judge, we never know why and as for that tot that’s roaming the back of the car! Don’t judge ( once again I’m all for safety comes first and buckling up) but who am I to judge, the kiddies belt may have broken, mom may not be aware of the tot that escaped the red button, or a number of reasons that this may occur and hopefully not often in the future. Last but not least, who are we to judge that mommy whose tot is having a total tantrum, crying fit or what seems a spoilt brat moment. You never know if you will be in that situation, where others googley-eye you out.
THAT child
This was an eye opening post for me. Try seeing a difficult child from the parent’s perspective.
Chastin writes: Encouraging Empathy and Understanding: Being the Parent of THAT child.
It is not easy being the THAT child or the parent of THAT child…. It is incredibly heart-breaking and I only wish that more parents would encourage their children to be more empathetic and to give a helping hand and support instead of teaching them to shun and ignore, how can one expect the world to be a better place if you do not encourage this behavior in children from the start!
South Africa/ Parenting/ #FeesMustFall
The student unrest are written about from a parenting perspective: My job: mommy/ curator of the world.
In a way, it was all muddled together for me yesterday and I was just feeling a bit overwhelmed and despondent about the state of South Africa and what it might mean for raising a child here. But today I remember an important fact – I’m going to be Harley’s mommy. I’m going to be the one to put these debates into a context for her. I’m going to be the one who puts her to sleep for her naps and for bedtime. I’m going to be the one who picks out her school, who ensures she gets a quality education. I will be the one who can curate the world for her, at least during her formative years.
Shaney has a post The Price Tag on Education in South Africa
In many countries education is a priority but here education is for sale. It has a hefty price tag on it and only those that are privileged can afford it while others are standing outside the window drooling for a piece of the cake.
Adoption
For those considering this path, a must read is Sharon’s The part of adoption nobody told me about.
I’m talking about the trauma caused by the severing of the emotional bonds between a birth mother and her child. I’m talking about the long term effects that trauma will have on the child. I’ve seen it now, first hand, in both my children. And I’ve seen it in varying degrees in all of my friends adopted children too.
Weaning
Two moms dealing with this right now: (go and give them support)
Chastin: Mixed feelings, starting the weaning process.
Mandy: How many times can the mommy heart break?
As my mommy heart breaks today and I cry as I try to prepare myself for the week ahead; I want so desperately to lean into arms of understanding, to hear that everything will be ok, to believe that my baby is not going to hate me or no longer need me, to hear that I am not the very worst mommy ever, to hear that one day she will look at me with the same love and trust again after I break this trust.
Homeschooling
Jolene answers some of the many questions that get thrown at her: Let’s Get Real: Homeschooling FAQ. As an example, I’ve extracted her answer to the question “What about Socialisation?”
This is, by far, the most asked (and hated) question. I have yet to have a conversation with a non homeschooler without this question being asked. What amuses me the most is that this question is always asked while we are at an extra mural. Fifi and Pixie dance 3 days a week (between the two of them), Fifi’s best friend does acro with her, so she sees her friend at least twice a week. Koko is a Cub Scout and avid soccer player, so sees his friends at least twice a week (this is not counting the friends he has at dancing and swimming). Their friends are not all their age, they have friends who are both younger and older than them.
Breast Cancer Awareness
October is breast cancer awareness month and Chastin shares her memories of her grandparents who passed away from cancer. Cancer Awareness and a very sad month
Unhappy marriage
Wenchy has a powerful post on the devastating effect of alcohol in Friday.
The brown bottle would come on Fridays. It ate colours and stole hope. It broke promises and told lies. It was not a magical brown bottle. It only did what it’s master instructed. It showed no mercy to the mom and her children.
MomAgain@40 (Karen) has a useful and informative post How do you know that you are caught in a domestic violence situation? She has a list of questions you should ask yourself if you think you are in this position.
Hearing Loss
Chevone featured on Maz’s blog in What I wish you knew about hearing loss.
What I am sharing with you today is the unspoken truths. You won’t find this on the cover of your national papers, you won’t find mainstream schools going out of their way to accommodate a child with a hearing impairment, you won’t find our government making an effort to create awareness about hearing loss or the fact that some drugs are ototoxic – resulting in hearing loss. We won’t find all government departments working together to better facilitate best outcomes for a child or an adult diagnosed with a hearing loss. NO! What you find is people, diagnosed with a hearing loss, having to navigate this journey with very little guidance and support.
Humour
Amanda has a good take on a more realistic package for brand to give pregnant moms in Rethinking the Bounty Bag. It was very funny and included this picture (left) which kind of sums up those intrusive questions at that time.
Also read Faziela’s post Things I never thought I’d do until I became a mom. I can totally relate to “throw a towel over peed sheets and continue sleeping”.
Poetry
This is a good one from Ursula that sums up how tense we can get…
BREAKING BAD
Every internal string
Wound
unbearably tight
Stretched and aching
Poised for flight
Would that a hand
could strum
tension from the fibre
release a note of music
from strained
to breaking
wire
Blogging
If you’re wondering how to best present those blog drops, Sharon has a useful post on how to build a light box. How to Improve Your Blog Photography.
Some thoughts on getting the most out of Twitter from Cassey: Twitter is dead? Really?
thanks for the useful content.
Great list, Heather. Thanks for including me!
Thanks for the mentions Heather!