One of the first thing people say to me when they hear I have four kids is: “But it must be easy by now, you know it all by now.” Really? Must it? HOW? Have you ever tried getting four kids ready for the morning school drop? Or tried to feed them all? It is many things; easy is not one of them. I also know many things about parenting but I still do not know how to stop a tantrum or get my 10 year old to eat anything other than 2-minute noodles.
I think the only thing that I know for sure now is that a baby will come to no harm if they cry for a bit and that “this too shall pass”. It will probably pass onto something equally challenging but it all does pass eventually.
I never planned on having four children; does anyone actually plan on having that many kids? But here we are a family of 6 with four kids ranging from 12 years old (the impending teen years full me with more dread than the sleepless nights of a newborn) to 6 months old (who isn’t a newborn but sleeps like one) and I wouldn’t change a thing. Our days are full, our house is chaotic, our nights are sleepless and our bank balance is empty but we have an abundance of love and laughter.
You don’t have four kids without learning a few things.
- No two children are the same. I suppose this is something you can learn with only two kids but having four really does confirm this because if you met my kids at separate times, you would never think they have all been raised in the same house. I have had to discipline them each differently, they are all different personality types, they each learn differently; they even eat differently. I can’t blanket parent them at all.
- I care very little what people think now. Have you ever tried to herd four children through Pick n Pay? Or deal with a meltdown in the park while the baby screams for food? No? I have, often. It’s a challenge. Sometimes I get it horribly wrong but I have stopped worrying about the glares, stares and crappy comments. It is what it is; I do the best I can. If you think you can do it better, please feel free to take them for a while. I am also a lot more confident in my parenting decisions now and don’t feel the need to constantly justify the decisions we make.
- I don’t sweat the small stuff, like a clean house or sexy bras. There isn’t time to worry about stuff like toys in the right boxes, matching underwear and clean cars, so I have let it all go. I spent a lot of time trying to keep the house tidy, ensure the lego pieces were in the lego box and Barbie in the Barbie box but I reached a point where that’s all I did all day, so I had to re-evaluate and decide what is really important.
- It’s ok to ask kids to help out. I don’t ask the kids to parent their younger siblings but I do expect them to help out every now and then and that really is ok. Being asked to carry your brother across the road or hold your sister so I can cook never really harmed anyone.
- There is always enough. One of the biggest concerns parents have is providing adequately for their children and it is a very real concern but when you are in it, there does always seem to be enough. Everyone gets fed, clothed and educated. There always seems to be too many toys in the toy room. It may not be designer clothing or branded toys but I look at it as a life lesson in learning that material things aren’t important.
Everyday my children teach me lessons, not only about myself, but about life in general. We live in a constant state of chaos and I can’t remember if there was ever a time I wasn’t a harassed mom. I have, however, never been happier. They say you end up where you are meant to and while this was not where I thought I would end up, now that I am here I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. Having a large family is anything but easy, and it is a daily reminder just how little I actually do know about parenting, but it is the greatest adventure I have ever been on.
Laura le Roux is a mom to four children, Cameron is 12, Kiara is 10, Jack is 3 and Emma is 6 months. Most days I am consumed by the mundane chaos of everyday life with baby girl who doesn’t like to sleep, a toddler who has an obsession with super heroes, a daughter who lives in Never Never land, an over achieving sports crazy tween, an ADHD dog, and a triathalon obsessed husband. In between all of that I blog over at harassed mom (www.harassedmom.co.za), Blog Share Connect (www.blogshareconect.com) and am a contributor for Your Baby Magazine.
You can also connect with Laura on her blog or Instagram
You are such an inspiration to me. It may be hard, but you make it look easy 😉
Brilliant read by Laura, as always
Laura you say it so perfectly. Large families are all about the chaos, craziness and most of all, all the LOVE. But I also wouldn’t change it for the world.
These are all things I’ve learned over the years with four kids as well, but I learned the hard way. haha Another thing with four kids verses fewer kids, it doesn’t matter how many kids you have, your parenting styles change from day to day, kid to kid!