Blogging in the time of Covid

This year will go down in history as one of many challenges. The entries for the SA Parenting Blog Awards came in and I had a peep at those relating to Covid-19. I have to say that we have some very talented writers in our midst and I would like to share some of what they have to say.

What is normal?

A common theme that I picked up in these posts is dealing with the so called “new normal”. But we are challenged as to what that is, to examine it and come up with new definitions as to what “normal” is.

Mira, who shares how she spent lockdown baking, exercising and adjusting to keeping two kids busy, starts out with this quote from Mayo Angelo:

IF YOU ARE ALWAYS TRYING TO BE NORMAL YOU WILL NEVER KNOW HOW AMAZING YOU ARE.

She has a list of lessons learnt but I like this one: “Being agile to change to imperative. Change is the only certainty.”

Kajal puts it really well:

You hear a lot of “when everything goes back to normal” these days. But you don’t think there’s a normal to return to. The world is left a little changed, you think. Or at least, you hope.

You hope it makes us kinder to each other, no matter what job we do or what position we hold, and for goodness sake, no matter what colour our skin is.

You hope it reminds us to have a sense of frugality or at least moderation, when extravagance has become the order of the day.

You hope it banishes egos, knowing how vulnerable our very existence is.

You hope that it restores in us a faith in ourselves, where we know that even one person can make a world of difference.

And lastly, you hope it puts into perspective every disappointment, every disagreement and every challenge you’ve ever been faced with. Because somehow, to you, most things will appear trivial in the shadow of what we’re all having to endure.

Jaci has written a series of posts “lockdown liturgy” but she also touches on this concept of normal through the idea of surrender.

… Jesus knows what to do with your grief and fear. That grief only starts to gain traction when we surrender. And as we surrender control, surrender to the loss, surrender to the unknown, surrender our grief and fear; as we surrender, we find our feet and can start to dream of a new normal.

We surrender our financial independence, and gain community.

We surrender our luxurious lifestyles, and gain solidarity with those in need.

We surrender control, and gain a Saviour. We gain a hope. We gain true life.

In the rush to return back to normal, we get to decide what part of normal we want to return to. In our emptiness, we get to choose what to put back into our lives.

Some Humour

In between all this go ahead and read some posts to make you laugh. Nikita had a good one “Mothering in the time of Corona. ” I love the way she describes how her laundry multiplies at a rate faster than Covid infection and everyone avoids looking at the pile of dishes (resembling the tower of Pisa) like they are extras in Birdbox.

You know the African proverb, “it takes a village to raise a child”. Well, that village is currently closed until further notice, when the minister holds a press conference, postpones it and then speaks at the speed of lightning! Oh, mother dearest must teach her child. Sounds rather picturesque until mother wants to pull her hair (yes Mother’s own hair) out with all the arts and crafts she needs to make for her little one.

If lockdown has been hard on your relationships then have a good read of this: Top Tips to Avoid Divorce During Lockdown from Kirsten.

I particularly had a chuckle at:

Rule #2: Always blame the kids. If something breaks or is lost, don’t blame your husband/wife, blame the kids. That way you won’t get angry with each other but you’ll have a common enemy.

Rule #7: Don’t sweat the small stuff, or the big stuff. Now is not the time to be bringing up deep-seated issues about your marriage, discussing whether your kids will go to a private or a government school, or suggesting your husband give up smoking. Don’t bring up issues which have the potential to rock the boat. Remember, you have nowhere to go if you’re fighting, and nowhere to send your husband.

Anxiety

There’s a very powerful post from Nicole about anxiety in a child (If these feelings could talk) but I think it can apply to all of us adults too – the way Anxiety has latched itself to Covid, how we pretend that we are ok, but we are not….

Who am I?  I am her Shadow Self.  They call me Anxiety.  Like Covid, I’m invisible, powerful and disruptive.  I make no sense, especially not to her.  But unlike my virus-friend, masks offer no protection from me.  I’m already on the inside, you see. The longer she hides me behind the mask of her smile, the more ferocious I get.  But she loves her family – she doesn’t want to infect them with her angst. So she smiles and smiles, pretending that she can beat me with her false radiance. Silly child!  Doesn’t she know?  

My only true kryptonite is Truth.

Another really good term for what we are going through came from Chev, describing the pride she feels for her child managing through this time.

Our challenges have been huge on the homefront with days of no flattening the emotional curve. That 0-10 effect. The intolerance that even had me seeking refuge in the cupboard when our tiny space at home became too big for my senses. Our confinement during this time has matured you in your humanity, that sense of understanding and care. I watch you blossom as a friend as you slowly grow into a young man with a sense of reasoning beyond your years.

Compassion fatigue

Mandi wrote a post about something very relevant – especially for those watching the news all the time – the kind of effect it can have on you is detrimental.

How much can you handle? When it gets too much and you feel as if your heart cannot take it, then you might have compassion fatigue. 

It would be helpful here to point out we are called to be compassionate towards others, but if our tank is empty, it’s pretty hard.

Hearing negative news repeated over and over again – be it in the press, from our healthcare system, our children and schools – and the feelings of helplessness and heartache, leave us not knowing what to do or where to turn.

Mandi also lists solutions in her post, one of which is Self care.

Self care

Self care seems to be a topic that is very carelessly thrown around as a fix to all our problems. I think the key here is to figure out what it means for you, and what it takes to fill your cup. It won’t be the same for everyone.

Simone wrote a very good post: “It’s social distancing, not social isolation.”

As humans, we are not created to be alone. In fact, we were made for community. And while this lockdown situation wants to force us to be alone and socially isolate ourselves, know that distance and isolation are two completely different ideas.

When you are on your phone, call someone. When you walk outside in your garden and you spot your neighbour, keep a safe distance but say hi and ask them how they are doing. You are still allowed to communicate with other humans when you see them. Earlier last week, on their way back from grocery shopping, friends drove past our house. They called and asked us to come to the gate. They didn’t get out, and stayed in their car. But they wanted to check up on us and see if we’re doing OK. It lasted a minute, but this human interaction lifted my spirits and it was an amazing reminder that we are not alone. Don’t be irresponsible, but remember that during lockdown, we are called to distance, not isolation.

Work

Chev has a very stark picture of what lockdown has done to her work situation: Nailed to the cross:

Lockdown’s got me hanging by my worrior balls on a tight rope cutting through my skin – strangling the sperm that gives life to my family, my household. No freedom to hustle and pay my bills. Unable to access any form of government support, like many others who aren’t employed or meet the necessary criteria.

Natasha also has some really useful work from home tips and mental health tips for those struggling business wise or job wise during this time. She also has a list of resources.

Having your income reduced or losing a job can cause significant emotional distress. This is compounded by the fact that it’s a situation beyond your control. It is just as distressing and heartbreaking for many business owners to have to let staff go, often people who have been loyal and who they have known for many years. It’s worse that the reason for this is that the business is trying to survive, and it’s not that the staff did anything wrong. It is equally distressing for employees who suddenly find themselves without employment, even if they know it is due to the pandemic. For owners or managers, and employees who have lost their jobs, the situation can take a serious toll on many aspects of their lives. 

Support local business: here is a resource list from Mrs Chetty.

Final thoughts

From Tracey, who wrote Breakdowns and Grace in Lockdown

Do whatever it takes for you to mentally accept that self kindness and grace, till it settles in your bones and quells that raging fire of anxiety that pulses through your being. And then, finally, grant it even to those who don’t give it to you – they may need it most.

It’s uncharted territory for all. Everyone’s normal has been shook. But we’ll get through this.

From Nicole, who wrote Dear 2020, with love and gratitude

We’ll rise from the ashes, forever comforted by the tolerance of our discomforts, steadfast in our sustainability.  And while for now, our limbs aren’t able to touch each other, each scorched tree for itself, trust that with time and patience, our branches will grow longer and wider and they’ll entwine powerfully together, our collective forest more magnificent than ever.

And so 2020, as quickly as you came, you’ll leave.  But you’ll never be forgotten. In fact, you’ll be one of the famous years that’ll appear in History books all over the world. People will tell the story of the window of time when the world stood still while you blazed and blazed. And eventually, when your fire was tamed and extinguished, it left behind 7.8 billion flames that were lit from within – a warm candlelight of hope in the hearts that knew not how to break.

With deep love and gratitude, for all that you’re building within us,

The Standing Tall Human Race

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