Honest Women: I have Four Children & How I advocated for a VBAC

I always knew that I wanted to be a mother. It was all planned out. I would get married at 24, have my first child about a year later and eventually have three children, two boys and a baby girl.

As you will find out, things did not go exactly go as planned. I found out I was pregnant at 19. I knew it could happen but ‘hoped’ it wouldn’t. I had only been dating my husband for about 9 months, and we were still very much children ourselves. We told our parents and just let the pregnancy take its course. I remember not enjoying   being pregnant at all. I felt sick most of the time and the spaces in between, I could not wait to get this pregnancy over-with. I knew I was having a baby, but I never really took into consideration how having a baby was going to be the hardest thing I would ever do, or how it would change who I was forever.
When it came time to have our son, I trusted the doctor to do what he was there for, but only later did I realise that I actually gave all my power away that day.

I ended up with a C Section, had my gorgeous baby boy, but I was not present. I was there but I was not present. Life changed so much after having Liam. I was sad, angry and tired all the time. Some days I just wanted to cry because this baby wanted so much of me that I was not prepared give up yet.

About a year after having Liam, things came a little into perspective when I came across an article that spoke about the possibility of having a natural birth after having had a C Section. I was told by my doctor that a natural birth would never be possible, so I wondered where is this information was coming from, I mean surely, my doctor knew better, he did have a medical degree after all.

I threw myself into the research, speaking to moms who have had unassisted home births, finding out about the differences between public and private hospital care and protocols. I literally was a walking text book by the time my now husband agreed to have another baby. I was so prepared that I could have given birth in the back of a van and would have felt in control. Never did I realise how healing all this was. Having a C section wounded me, I felt broken and could not even look at my scar without wanting to cry. I finally opened my eyes to the fact that having Liam, the person, how he was born and how I wanted to be his mommy should have been my focus.. But now I had my chance, and by no means was I going to let anybody tell me that it was not going to happen.

After a long 31 hour labor, my community midwife leaving town, my mother’s friends threatening me with big trouble if something happened to the baby; I delivered my baby girl on the hallway floor of my home. It was messy, emotional and very dramatic, but it was perfect. It was healing. We were happy and perfect. There truly is nothing like being able to get in your own bed with your newborn baby and just take in the beauty of such an amazing experience.

My two birth experiences are what turned me into the mother I think I am still growing into becoming.
I truly believe that God makes things happen for a reason, and having my C section opened my eyes to not only the power that I have but also the type of parent I want to be. A woman who teaches her family that they are powerful beyond measure.

This post was written by Merlize Jogiat.

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