{Honest Women} We are not having children.

I’m 27. I have been with my partner for 10 years this year and we have a very happy relationship.

Before I met him, I knew I never really wanted children but that solidified as our relationship grew and we were  together longer. I can remember feeling so much relief when he told me that he felt the same way as I do.

I’ve gotten much flack over the years that I now just tell people that I cannot have children, instead of that I don’t want them.

I’ve gotten tired of the responses I’ve gotten in regards to the latter and some of them have been hurtful, for example:

• If you’re with the right guy, you’ll want kids,
• You don’t know what you’re missing,
• You’ll never have a full or satisfied life without kids,
• Who will look after you when you’re old?
• How must your parents feel, knowing you’ll never give them grandchildren?

I have never felt understood because no one has ever stopped to ask WHY I and we don’t want children. Everyone else seems to know that our decision is wrong for us, but we just haven’t gotten that memo.

My biological parents got divorced when I was 17. It wasn’t a very pretty divorce for any of us. As an older teen, I understood what was going on and the blame card was thrown around at me. It was a pretty kak period in my life.

I’d say that, from that period in my life, I decided I’d never have children because I would never want to put my children through what I’ve been through.

My mom sacrificed a lot and the friends I have who have kids have sacrificed a lot for their kids. I’ve even seen them give up their careers for their children.They do it because they unconditionally love their children more than themselves and want the best for them. Is that a bad thing? HELL NO! It’s admirable.

I’m at a point where I am very career driven right now (not that you can’t be if you’re a parent) and if I had children or a child now, I’d have to put that aside. I wouldn’t be able to do the things I want and we wouldn’t be able to take the risks we do. My partner took a chance and started his own business this year. I change jobs if things don’t work for me anymore and I can go study if I choose to.

I’d go as far as to say, we think of ourselves and each other because it’s easy when it’s just the two of us. If we had a little one, we first have to think of how our decisions will impact them and if it’s a viable risk to take.

Some of the cons of my decision:

I’ve been outcluded a lot seeing as a lot of my friends are now settling down and starting families. We now have fewer and fewer things in common.

Our decision is considered taboo so you can get a lot of flack for it.

It’s gets more difficult to have children the older you get (medical reasons).

If you want to be a parent or are, I DO take my hat off to you. Children can be hard to raise and not every day is a good day, but I also think it is rewarding.

Is it for me? No.

Do I feel as if I’m missing out? Truth be told, no.

Do I worry that no one will be there to look after me when I’m old? Not at all. If my Love passes away after me, I can fade away in an old age home and not be sad because my children may have left me there and don’t visit me anymore. In fact I worry more about being there for my Mother when she’s old (and even now that she’s not old and frail.)

I just wish there was a little more understanding and a little less of people thinking they know what’s best for someone who doesn’t share the same want or belief as they do.

We are all individuals. We all are entitled to like whatever we like and just because it isn’t the same as the person next to you, doesn’t make it wrong.

In no way do I feel that parents can’t have careers, a life, take risks or that they’re zombies just trolling around for their kids.

Siobhan is a small town girl who paints her nails by night and is a PA by day. In her spare time she crochets better than your granny or reads and drinks tea. She lives in a smaller zoo these days with 6 birds, 3 dogs, 2 cats, a rabbit and perhaps 2 other humans.

You can find Siobhan on her blog For The Love of Nail Art and on twitter (@vonimoller) and Instagram (@vonimoller)