Guest Post: Being a Mother in Recovery from Drugs and Alcoholism

I am a drug addict and an alcoholic with nearly 7 years clean time.  Being an alcoholic and an addict is not easy.

 

So many people assume we are weak-willed people that cannot control ourselves. That we choose to be this way. I am no different from anyone else and in no way did I bring this upon myself. I had my first drink,  just like most people have and from the first drink I just could not stop. I was 14 years old and when I drank I became a changed person. I did things I was ashamed of and because of this I drank more to blank out the embarrassing memories.

 

I was just a child and I went through a number of traumatic events. Things spiralled out of control and my life was no longer my own. I was ruled by my addiction.

 

It is called the disease of addiction. If you are an addict you cannot become a “non-addict”. It is with you for life. I can never have another drink, drug or mind-altering substance or I will go right back to where I was.

 

Gratitude

 

The thing I am most grateful for in my life is that I got clean before I had my children and before I met my husband. They are thankfully blissfully unaware of the person I used to be. My husband knows I am a recovering addict and alcoholic, but he will never be able to understand who I was at that time.  Knowing it and seeing it with your own eyes is something completely different.

 

I spent a lot of time being resentful and angry that I have a problem with alcohol and drugs. Over time this has changed to gratitude. Working through a 12 step program of recovery through Alcoholics Anonymous means that I am constantly looking at myself and making sure that I am the best person I can be. Not everyone has this opportunity thrust upon them. Many people go through life ignorant of the concept of conscious self improvement.

 

My greatest gift in life is my family: my beautiful daughter that is nearly 4 years old , my sweet-natured son that is 18 months old and my husband that I love dearly.

 

Fear

 

My greatest fear in life is relapse. My fear is not for me, it is for my children. I know the type of person I will be if I relapse and I detest that person. My children will not be safe. My marriage will be shattered. My business will fail. It is as simple as that; I will damage everything in my life.

 

Taking Responsibility

 

My children help make me stronger in this program, however if I relapse I know how strong addiction is. Nothing will be more important than my using, not even my children.

 

My instructions to my husband in case of relapse are simple. Do not try and help me, just take the kids and run. Do not trust me and do not let me see my children. Inform my mother and trust whatever she says from then on. My mother has been through this and she will know how to deal with me.

 

Hope

 

For any person living with addiction or that has a loved one that is an addict: there is hope. There is an amazing life that is yours if you can just find the strength and courage to face your problem head-on.  Contact a treatment centre or contact Alcoholics Anonymous/ Narcotics Anonymous.

Lynne Huysamen writes at Kaboutjie  and you can read some of her previous posts on this subject below. You can also follow her on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Google Plus.

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